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Sariea


i feel sick... and angry..

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i don't feel so good right now, i'm kinda nauseous... i've been in a bad mood for a while, which is unfortunate, i guess...

after i found out about the endometriosis and the whole 140-pounds thing, i got kinda proactive and lost 3 pounds in a week. but since then i've just been stuffing my face and i'm pretty sure i gained back more than 3 pounds... i know it's my fault, but i'm still upset about it.. i need to stop but i feel like i can't. i've been binge eating every day for more than 2 years, and it's upsetting to know that i weigh almost twice as much now than i did 2 years ago.. i feel like i'm gonna throw up, and i kinda wish i would...

i didn't have to work today, so dean and i put up the xmas tree. why the hell do stores sell christmas ornaments with NO HOOKS???? i don't fucking understand that. we had to drive to wegmans to get some. i'm gonna try and put pics up here. if my SD card will ever load.

we drove to lollypop farm today, pretty sure we were lost and then BOOM there it was. thank god. pretty much right after i said "okay now we're in Egypt". i'm suprised they had no puppies, but i guess those would go fast IF they had them. i felt bad for all the grown up dogs and the cats that looked so sad. if Dean ever let me have a cat, though, i'd rather just bring Xander here. i miss my baby... The smell of the dog cages was so bad, though, i was like choking.

He still hasn't come around to the name "Koga". which i think would be a fuckin awesome name for a yellow lab. But i won't give up. He doesn't have to know the name came from a cartoon i watch (Inuyasha). Doesn't matter where it came from, its a good name for a dog.

this is probably boring, i'm just trying to distract myself. i get so grumpy when we go places lately. i just get angry. it's so easy for me to get angry lately because i'm so miserable about myself... i just wanna scream " I GET IT, YOU'RE THIN AND BEAUTIFUL. I DONT WANT TO SEE IT ANYMORE, GO THE HELL AWAY" at certain people i see... i'd pretty much give anything to be 88 pounds again, right now.

well this was long and probably boring and noone probly even read this far. if u did, then thanks... i guess i'd better go to bed now so i can get up and deal with bitchy people on the phone
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[User Picture]
On November 24th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC), mmmontserrat commented:
Ouch, I don't have endometriosis but my cousin has it and she said it's really really painful. It also seems like it's hard to digest and there's a buildup of tissue in the reproductive areas right? Are they going to give you medicine for it or anything to help aleviate the symptoms?

Wishing you the BEST!
[User Picture]
On November 26th, 2008 03:22 am (UTC), sariea replied:
yeah pretty much. it's not so much a buildup of tissue, it's more like... there's scar tissue that can go pretty much anywhere in your body. my aunt has it too and it's the reason she can't have kids. she told me that even if theres a tiny piece of scar tissue anywhere in your body (like even just as big as a fingernail) then you can't have kids. but it's easier to have kids right after having the surgery that i'm going to have to have... so it looks like i'll have to have the surgery in a few months just to see how severe it is and to "clean it up" and then again when i decide to try for kids

it is sooo painful. my last 2 periods i've had to take vicodin just to be able to even handle the pain that was leftover. i kinda wish they'd just keep giving me vicodin lol.

as far as medicine, they're just going to give me a birth control with a higher level of estrogen. then when i've gone thru 3 packs of it (without taking the placebos) i have to tell them if the pain is any better. then have the surgery, and when they know how severe it is, they'll be able to prescribe me medicine for the pain. but there's no cure

i hope you're doing good and i hope u have a great thanksgiving :)
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